Letting Go- A new day

I haven't really used this blog as a therapeutic approach- I know many do. Journaling is extremely therapeutic and many do so in written form. I have a client who is recently divorced and blogs instead of keeping a written journal- which in turn is all the same. I have to admit that pretty much my whole pregnancy I have been consumed by fear. In the early stages it was fear of miscarriage, around Thanksgiving we had to go for a level 2 ultrasound b/c they doctor thought they saw something that caused them concern (after that ultrasound however, baby was given an A+ bill of health), and here recently fear that I'm going to lose her before she's born or after she's born. I know why rationally where this fear came from- because I have several friends who have experienced the loss of a child, friends of friends who have sick babies or had still borns, clients who have lost babies almost full term. So all of these stories weighed heavy on my mind. And honestly thoughts like, why am I any different, why would I be one to escape a tragedy? Most all of the above are good people, believers, trust God, etc. And to say well I have faith that God will protect us, well so did they. Anyhow- fear, this all consuming fear is what I've been carrying.

Last night at First Wednesday at my church, C3, two things impacted me. First a scripture, Psalms 139:13-14. This is how I read/heard it: "Sarah, I (God) created Emma Grace after my own being; I knit her together in YOUR womb. She is fearfully and wonderfully made because I God of all creation, God alone created her." Hmmm.... as I heard it that way, a peace fell over me. Then Pastor Matt had put a few crosses around the worship center and he asked us to write down a sin or burden we've been carrying on a notecard provided and put it at the foot of the cross. I knew exactly what I was giving- my burden of fear which is also a sin to carry, as we have no fear when we know the Lord. So I put into action what I've been praying all week- giving my fear for my unborn child to the Lord. I've been praying all week, Lord take this away I don't want to carry or feel this. But I know I've been hanging on to it anyway. Last night was completely freeing! I really and truly know that after last night, physically and spiritually laying my burden down, that the fear is gone.

Early this morning after a routine bathroom trip :) I laid awake for quite a while, so I began praying and thanking God that the burden is gone. I just feel different. And while I was praying I just saw the color white. Which reminds me of peace and purity.

So this morning, Thank you Jesus that I can focus the rest of my pregnancy without fear and free from a burden or worry. You alone are God.